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Torah Inspirations>Engagement Speech What is a Jewish Engagement? Engagement party: Tena’im/Vort If you're planning an engagement party before the wedding, using the occasion to perform a Tena’im ceremony is a beautiful way to add meaningful Jewish content to the celebration as well as to focus attention on the spiritual component of entering into marriage. Some communities call this event a “vort” which is Yiddish for “word”, as the couple are giving each other their word that their intent to get married. Tena’im, which is the Hebrew word for "conditions," is a tradition of engagement, a pre-Ketubah contract setting out the terms of the marriage. The Tena’im ceremony dates back to the third century C.E and it the tena’im agreement represents a mutual agreement between the bride and groom's parents. It concerns the date and financial arrangements of the marriage. Often, the signing of the “contract” is accompanied by an engagement party for the couple and their parents. The honor of reading the contract in Aramaic is often given to a prominent rabbi or close friend. After the witnessed signing and reading of the Tena’im, a plate is smashed, traditionally by the future mothers-in-law, symbolizing the impending breaks in their relationships with their children, who will soon take responsibility for feeding each other. (In recent years, many Orthodox rabbis have encouraged the Tena’im to be scheduled very close in time before the wedding, if at all, out of concerns that it has a binding effect under Jewish law and requires a get (writ of divorce) if the engagement is called off. Some Conservative rabbis have also been less than encouraging about a couple's desire to have a Tena’im ceremony based on similar concerns.) Shabbat Chatan/Aufruf The Shabbat Chatan/ Aufruf refers to the Shabbat morning before the wedding, it is common for the Chatan (groom – in some communities the couple is called) to be called up to read the Torah in the synagogue. This serves to announce the forthcoming marriage to the community and permit everyone to publicly recognize, congratulate, and share in the joy of the wedding to come and to wish them mazal tov! After the groom recites the final blessings, in some communities it is customary to throw candies to wish the couple a sweet life. Often there is a simultaneous "Shabbat Kallah", where the brides' friends make a party for her. References
Bar/ Bat Mizvah Engagement Weddings Sheva Brachot Brit Milah |
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